"Weekend at Herpes" – Nikki Glaser - Full Special

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(audience cheering) ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, Nikki Glaser! ♪

Hello! How are you? (cheering) Wow! (audience members whooping) I, uh... I got called "ma'am" today...

which I don't appreciate. I'm not ma'am yet. Don't call me... I just turned 25 in June of 2009, and that's how I'm saying it.

(laughter) (laughs): Choosing to say it. It happened at Starbucks. She was, like, "Ma'am, can I get your name for your drink? Ma'am? Ma'am?"

I turned around, like, where's the deaf old bitch? I was like... (laughter) And then she was, like, "No, ma'am, you."

I was, like, "Does she want to fight? Uh..." 'Cause "ma'am" is rude. "Ma'am" is... On the spectrum of things to call a woman, "ma'am" is, like, slightly under (bleep).

I think it's just a little bit nicer than (bleep). Not much, either. She could have been, like, "Hey (bleep), can I get your name?"

I would have been, like, "You can just write (bleep) on the cup. That's fun." (laughter) I'll know it's me.

Even though you'll probably spell it wrong. Um... (laughter) They, uh, the name thing there, they are always passive-aggressive.

The other day, same scenario. "Ma'am, can I get your name?" I was, like, "Nikki." She was, like, "Dickie?" She starts writing "Dickie."

Real committed to "Dickie." Everyone around me was, like, "Dickie?" I was, like, "Yeah, it's Dickie.