I Visited Every Soviet Republic. Here's My Rankings

Right, guys. I'm Bald and Bankrupt, and as some of you will know, I have visited all 15 former Soviet Republics. And today, I'm ranking them from the very worst to the very best. And we're not pulling any punches, so stick around because we're taking a trip down memory lane and crowning

the greatest post-Soviet Republic of them all. >> [music]

>> Now, this list might upset a few babushkas, but hopefully won't lead to me being thrown back in the gulag. And to avoid that happening, before we begin, a quick explanation about the criteria of the rankings. This isn't about geopolitics or leaders, although I will admit Turkmenbashi will always have

a special place in my heart. No, this is a list which is compiled based purely on my personal experiences in each country.

Did I vibe with the locals? Was the visa a pain in the backside? Were there any good Soviet sings? Or most importantly, were the local babushkas a bit saucy?

All right, no more waffling. Let's get down to ranking the 15 Republics and choosing the champion. Who have you got your money on? I'll tell you the worst one straight away. It is >> [music] >> After 35 years of trying, I finally made it to this mysterious Central Asian Republic and completed my Soviet bucket

list I'd imagined doing long before the phrase bucket list was even a thing. Yeah, that's how old I am. Anyway, as I got there, I kind of thought to myself, why did I even bother coming?

You see, the visa process is a bloody nightmare. You have to get creative with your job title so as not to arouse the suspicion of the authorities.

Journalists and curious YouTubers are most certainly not welcome in this former Soviet republic, especially I suspect ones who might laugh at the former president's rapping.

And when you do finally get the visa and arrive there, you have to have an escorted tour, so there's barely any freedom to really explore the country properly. But that isn't all. If you don't change money on the black market at the favorable exchange rate, then the country costs more than bloody Monaco.

Then there's the terrible roads, the long distances that sap your will to live, the fact there is no internet except in one five-star hotel in the capital. And if all of that doesn't put you off booking a trip, there's a bloody curfew in place each night at 11:00 p.m.

Now, of course, the Turkmens you do briefly manage to meet at truck stops or in public toilets are very nice people, like everywhere else in the ex-USSR, but that can't make up for all the other pain in the ass stuff you have to go through whilst you're there. I was in the country for 3 days and honestly, 48